dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
did you just send me my own nude
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
