ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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