somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Less talking, more tequila
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
