I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
