my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize