you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize