The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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