I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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