I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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