mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize