I have demons in me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
