My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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