I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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