I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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