we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
