i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
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Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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