Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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