i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
someone owes me an orgasm
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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