Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
