What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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