Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
