How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize