I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
