If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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