I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we should paint friendship bongs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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