Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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