I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
