So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
