i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
