hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
