I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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