My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
