...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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