I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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