I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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