i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
