Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
