I feel like abortions should bother me more
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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