the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
