We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
