Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
