I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
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