Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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