there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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