and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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