wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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