I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
