Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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