oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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