Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
