dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
