and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Shame is for Republicans.
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