I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
