I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm like, not good at living.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize