is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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