We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
