nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just cut my nipple shaving
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
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